Fool Proof Ways To Love Yourself & Be Happy

Our Masterclass To Authentic Living group launched last month- and now you can join us too!  Our topic for October has been ‘Happiness Within Yourself’.

If you know me personally, you probably know that every Sunday morning my definition of church is grabbing my cup of chai and watching Super Soul Sunday.  Every Sunday…really!  How interesting today’s show was a repeat but with such synchronicity, it was Shawn Achor, and he discussed ways to be happy in life. Sometimes, author Shawn Achor says, you just need to make happiness happen. Watch to find out 2 ways to give yourself a lift today!

Watch Super Soul Sunday with Shawn Achor

Join Toscano Interiors Masterclass To Authentic Living, group! Enrollment is only $7 a month! ECourses, business building tips, a forum where you can create-learn-share about living authentically. We can’t wait for you to join our tribe!

Visit www.22s.com/648396 to sign up today!

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You can also get even happier with Shawn Achor’s Online Happiness Course!

3 Easy Tips You Can Use To Make Your Space More Authentic, Today!

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What is mindfulness and how can you apply it when it comes to your space, the place where you are the most…home?  When working with my Client’s who use my Lifestyle By Design services, mindfulness is an important part of our authenticity journey.  Here are 3 Questions I ask my Client’s during our Discovery Sessions, that you can use in your own home.

  1. Find an object in your home that you find beautiful.  Look at it.  Examine it.  Ask yourself what is so beautiful about it?  Write it down and reflect on it.
  2. Think about the room you spend the most time in, and write down why you spend a lot of time in that room, and what you like about that room.  What do you dislike about that room?
  3. What story is your space telling about you? Is it accurate? Does it reflect the real you? Does it feel amazing, a little off — or completely overwhelming? Is it welcoming you into the next chapter of your life — or keeping you stuck in an old one?

I tell all my design Client’s who use my Lifestyle By Design services, to use a journal during the discovery portion of our journey. Pay attention to your thoughts and follow them wherever they go. Allow things to unfold. Let your sentences be what they are. Don’t worry about grammar or sentences or paragraphs. Simply let the words be. No judgment. Just expression. Just presence.

Ready to uncover what’s happening between you and your space?
Let’s get started!

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‘Masterclass To Authentic Living’, Has Launched

An authentic person is happier and has more energy to plough into life. And because they feel relaxed and at home in themselves – it’s no wonder that authentic people tend to be more successful too!

Answering the questions who am I? What matters most to me? When am I not myself? What makes me happy? What do I really think? How can I be more me? Discovering the answers to these questions is a lifelong journey – it takes courage, determination and perseverance.

Get life coaching tools from Certified Life Coach & Interior Designer- Candance Toscano, workshops, ECourses, EBooks & a tribe of like-minded women who are on the same journey as you!

What This Group Is About-

The purpose of the group is to share, support,and connect with other women who are searching for clarity while creating a life that reflects your true personality, brand, life experiences, & ethos of your business or personal self.

You Should Enroll If-

You care about having a life of comfort, contentment, love & laughter.  If you hope for the moment when you can take charge of your life & career and rediscover the person you forgot you are.  If you worry about finding your true passion and direction in life.  You don’t feel supported and nurtured in your goals & ambitions.

Take the journey with other women who are committed to the discovery of Authenticity.

 

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Toscano Interiors New Masterclass to Authenticity 

Join my NEW Masterclass to Authenticity Group,  NOW- before I launch it in September, and there will be a membership fee to join! 

I created this exclusive group as a place where you can get the support and help you need to find your authentic self — a community of like-minded women from around the world, who are passionate and determined to find clarity, creating a life that reflects their personality/brand/life experiences, & ethos of their business or personal self.  If this is something you want to share or discover for yourself- DON’T WAIT!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/toscanosmasterclass/

When You Know You Aren’t Living An Authentic Life

I always know when I’m not living true to what I preach everyday- authenticity!  It took me traveling over 2,000 miles this week to figure that out.

It always starts with that overwhelming anxiety.  You know, the kind that no matter how many techniques or tricks you’ve learned thus far, will work on controlling it?  The kind where you feel like you are being choked, constantly, and its completely exhausting- and everyday you are “faking it to make it”.  In all honesty, I feel like this a lot of the time.  It’s usually when I have worked myself to death, my stress level is high, my business isn’t running as planned, my kids are misbehaving- I’m just drained.  I start to move away from that authentic place, and find myself more concerned with others opinions.  I get cranky, then angry.  I am frustrated, sad, and nothing seems enjoyable, and the malaise has begun to suffocate other areas of my life. I want things to change, but I have no idea where to start.  Ever feel this way? Your feelings of stagnation exist because, deep down, you’re not being honest with yourself.

For me, this is when I find is so important to find my “center”.  It usually consists of escaping and being able to find peace in nature.  Meditation can be helpful, exercise.  It’s important to be honest with yourself.  To know what truly makes YOU happy, where YOU find that calm, your balance.

So how do you really know if you aren’t living in a place of authenticity?

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Things you say when you are living out of that authentic place:

“I can’t take care of what I have, so I’ll never have what I want.”

“Given my horrible track record, a good relationship just isn’t in the cards for me.”

“I developed this illness so God must really hate me.”

When life’s obstacles arise, you are not being punished. You’re being awakened.  Always remember this. Pay attention to those times when you are insincere in your speech, or when you are acting in a way that doesn’t align with your core values. Then explore the fears and beliefs that may create those barriers to your authenticity.

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

-Oscar Wilde

Something else I’ve noticed I’ve done a lot lately is not trust my gut.  So, trust your intuition. Often, we feel out of sync when we are acting inauthentic. Things just don’t feel right. Pay attention to those hunches, physical sensations, and impressions. They can be your instincts telling you that you are not being genuine. When you are on track and authentic, you’ll feel that too.

Understand that authenticity is linked to our values and belief system; those by which we set our moral compass towards and away from things we feel intuitively guided by.

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”
-May Sarton

Being authentic means knowing how to be resillient so you are better equipped when the shit hits the fan- and believe me, the shit WILL hit the fan.  Authenticity isn’t just about finding happiness – we have to be realistic that happiness 100% of the time is not sustainable. Authenticity is more about doing something because it makes you feel good. Doing the things YOU want to do, instead of what others think you should do.

The wonderful thing about when you feel like you aren’t living an authentic life- you can always start NOW!

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So here are my questions to you, if you think you want to live a more authentic life.

What would you be happy to give up?

Where do you love spending time?

What’s non negotiable?

What do you want?

What do you not want?

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

The issue with us not going for what we want a lot of the time is the fear that is often attached to making changes, and what’s at stake if things don’t work out. Sometimes it’s not letting go of the past, holding on to resentments, instead of owning our story.  But what, just what, would you do if the idea of failure were not part of your decision-making process?

So, what next? What have you found out about yourself? What has surprised you? Where do you want to take this? It’s all out there for you gorgeous one. It’s for you to go out and get it! Remember I am always here to help you get started on that path.

Do you want to live more of an authentic life?

But you’re not really sure how to do it? Let’s talk. Why not book a FREE 30 minute no obligation discovery session with me today? 

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Forging the Way Towards More Meaningful Design

What’s better than a life coach who is also an interior designer? 

Let’s face it, a really well thought out space begins with your thoughts and your habits, continues with your relationships, and concludes within your environment.

Okay, let’s start with your thoughts. A great designer will help you uncover the core thoughts that work for you and against you. We then explore the opinions, beliefs, and interpretations that you hang on to that bog you down and bum you out? We’ll take a clear, simple, and swift approach to remove the thoughts that get you down and boost the thoughts that motivate you. It’s easy. You’ll feel better about yourself. Removing these negative thoughts help create a space where creative energy can flow.

We take a similar approach with habits and relationships, then visit your environment.  By this point once we’ve addressed everything else, you now that you love who you are, what you do, and who you’re with…so I then ask you, “Do you love coming home? Or do you dread walking through your front door?”

Whatever your situation, aren’t you lucky that your life coach is also an interior designer? 

Happy thoughts? Check. Good habits? Check. Great relationships? Check. Love coming home? Check.

Lifestyle By Design complete. 

Let’s get started. 


Authentic Office Spaces

I was excited to hear about authentic design taking place in the corporate world, AKA commercial spaces. It seems as though for decades we’ve stuck to the traditional modern mid-century design in commercial spaces. 

In order to stay competitive with millennials, the more authentic approach to our workspaces seems to be what they’re yearning for. Designer Brigette Preston said it best, in a recent article for WorkDesign Magazine.  

“This generation wants a career that offers a sense of purpose and contributes to the greater good. Given this reality, workplace designers should consider how the workspace can embody these goals and how they can visually be represented in the space.”

I love this; as we have too seen an increase in our own Clients who hire as for commercial space design. It is important for them as well, in wanting to keep this concept in order to make their clients feel welcome and employees feel more productive in their space. As these younger Generations enter the workforce, we see the importance of authentic inspired design in our work spaces, a shift from what we’ve seen in the past. Moving away from the contemporary modern design, often leaving people feeling cold when entering; I’m excited to see elements with a wood floors, stone accents, warm colors, and plant-inspired materials — leveraging a palette that leads to positive biophilic responses. 

I Own It All…No Need To Try & Use It Against Me (I’m Authentic)

 

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Have you ever met someone who was a perpetual victim? I have, and they will literally suck the life out of you if you aren’t careful.  I used to be disgusted by those kinds of people, now, I just feel sorry for them.  These kinds of people are often described as having Borderline Personality (BPD) or Narcassisitic Personality Disorder (NPD)- two things I know a lot about.  As having spent several years married to one; but soon realizing when you separate yourself from someone like that, that you genuinely tried to help, again- not realizing their sad stories were completely made up or antagonistic, the one thing these types of people don’t like——> REJECTION.

There are a lot of things I am transparent about, and I definitely have never claimed to be perfect.  I also don’t go around slandering the character of others publicly, in order to make myself look good.  If I say something behind closed doors in private, well, it’s of course private.  Unless I’m completely wrong for that…hey, you can judge I guess. I’m not always a nice person, but if I’m nasty to you, I guarantee you’ve done something to warrant it.

I’ve also made a lot of mistakes in my life.  I own all of those too.  Not my parents, not my friends, not society…nope…..any bad choice I’ve made has been mine and mine alone.

I recently encountered someone…whom after publicly defamating my character on social media several months ago…I didn’t retaliate.  I brushed it off.  I was puzzled as to why me simply removing her from my life, wishing her well, made her so mad to go do this, when things didn’t end badly.  Not a big deal….we all have a story, we all have shit we deal with.  Right?  She told me things in confidence, not always making herself look good, but again, who am I to judge?

Her accusations that she’s sabotaging towards me are merely projection (pot kettle black) of her own efforts to sabotage and betray- as she’s done this countless times before with previous coworkers, spouses, and children. Ultimately, what I realized is, the only person she is really sabotaging is probably herself through antisocial actions and abuse, although people like her are also emotional “shit magnets” for abusive personalities.  Thinking of her stories and her past relationships, she still describes her current husband and previous partner’s as abusive to gain sympathy and lure new partners.

Besides being the eternal victim, many BPDs like her will  strive to be seen as heroes, defenders of the truth and the weak. This involves declaring that “bad” people- me in this case, deserve to be punished and then singling them out for months or years of accusations and abuse.  Because rage and abusiveness proves they are good.  

This is what is happening now.  This is where we are at.  Today.

Then starts the gaslighting….oh yes, the gaslighting.  I’ve been down this road before too.

These kids of people enjoy trying to convince others that they are mentally ill, such as trying to convince them that real abuse did not occur. In Wikipdeia and a personality disorder blog.

Then the good ol’ projection was as clear as day in this email.  She was somehow playing the victim by constantly trying to provoke me into being angry.  This not only fills the emotional needs of the BPD, it can nearly make it impossible for observers to determine which person is ill and abusive. See this diary.

Conflict in all her relationships.  Years of grudges and score keeping….after reading several things this person has posted about other people or acquaintances she knows…publicly humiliating them too.  I immediately saw a pattern.

Nothing is their fault, especially their own emotions.  Other people are to blame for the BPD’s feelings, as if everyone else has the power to broadcast directly into the BPD brain.  Blame others people for making them feel bad, then blame them others for not making the BPD feel better.  Bringing my children into it was where I knew something was wrong with this person; and bringing me back to a place where I’ve been before, I wanted no part of her games.  For once in my life, I took the high road.  I could have easily spoke about her poor parenting choices, mistakes she’s made as a mother herself- but why bother?  It was clear she demands that people join in her mental games. She created a bubble of chaos where ever she went.

Then I thought about her circle of influence and what those people were like, which was mainly her husband because she wasn’t allowed to have friends (according to her), but these kinds of people have a circle of neurotic friendships to provide the attention, validation, and sympathy that they need to survive.

All her Accusations – effortless lying, crying, incoherent but convincing, probably believes her own lies more than most people believe anything.  She’s so concerned about me being a “good person” which she referred to in this email. Obsessed with the “Truth” and accusing other people of lying (more projection, right?).

Here’s the deal- I have nothing to prove to anyone.  I’ve never really cared much about what people thought of me, anyways.  I act the same way at my business, as I do at home, with my friends, with my family, etc.  I’m an open book.  I have problems.  I have lots of things I am proud of and lots of burdens/sadness/guilt I carry with me every day…that’s why when someone judges me- they can never say or do anything that either hasn’t been said or done to me before—-and I guarantee I’m much harder on myself than anyone can ever be.  So spare me, your opinion of me holds no merit.  Which she also mentions in this email….but here’s the difference-

G-d is my strength and my song.” “In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”To live well is nothing other than to love G-d with all one’s heart, with all one’s soul and with all one’s efforts; from this it comes about that love is kept whole and uncorrupted (through temperance). No misfortune can disturb it (and this is fortitude). It obeys only [G-d] (and this is justice), and is careful in discerning things, so as not to be surprised by deceit or trickery (and this is prudence).

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I am always authentic, I am always humble, and I don’t go around seeking problems. Like me or not, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, just G-d.  If I react to something that bothers me, then yes, I’m not pleasant… but again, I never said I was perfect. I own it.

…And since this person is so self-righteous and knows no boundaries,  I will disengage after this. I have no desire to exhaust energy on crazy people, because I’m clearly that important to someone who is obviously so incredibly miserable. It’s sad when people can’t own their life, are too busy worried about others. As for me, I have a life to live. An authentic, genuine, happy life to live- designing, creating, enjoying every minute of it!

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Design Radio, Happens Tomorrow

We are excited to start our blog talk radio show tomorrow!  We will be discussing designers from around the world, who are pushing the boundaries of interior design, and are true pioneers to staying authentic in their styles, and how that reflects in their work.

Be sure to tune in, tomorrow at 11:00am MST.  If you are interested in being a guest on our show, please email us at toscanointeriors@yahoo.com.  We also have affordable advertising opportunities to, just email us for more information.

We hope you tune in, Lifestyle By Design Online Radio Show, With Toscano Interiors.

 

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