Have you ever met someone who was a perpetual victim? I have, and they will literally suck the life out of you if you aren’t careful. I used to be disgusted by those kinds of people, now, I just feel sorry for them. These kinds of people are often described as having Borderline Personality (BPD) or Narcassisitic Personality Disorder (NPD)- two things I know a lot about. As having spent several years married to one; but soon realizing when you separate yourself from someone like that, that you genuinely tried to help, again- not realizing their sad stories were completely made up or antagonistic, the one thing these types of people don’t like——> REJECTION.
There are a lot of things I am transparent about, and I definitely have never claimed to be perfect. I also don’t go around slandering the character of others publicly, in order to make myself look good. If I say something behind closed doors in private, well, it’s of course private. Unless I’m completely wrong for that…hey, you can judge I guess. I’m not always a nice person, but if I’m nasty to you, I guarantee you’ve done something to warrant it.
I’ve also made a lot of mistakes in my life. I own all of those too. Not my parents, not my friends, not society…nope…..any bad choice I’ve made has been mine and mine alone.
I recently encountered someone…whom after publicly defamating my character on social media several months ago…I didn’t retaliate. I brushed it off. I was puzzled as to why me simply removing her from my life, wishing her well, made her so mad to go do this, when things didn’t end badly. Not a big deal….we all have a story, we all have shit we deal with. Right? She told me things in confidence, not always making herself look good, but again, who am I to judge?
Her accusations that she’s sabotaging towards me are merely projection (pot kettle black) of her own efforts to sabotage and betray- as she’s done this countless times before with previous coworkers, spouses, and children. Ultimately, what I realized is, the only person she is really sabotaging is probably herself through antisocial actions and abuse, although people like her are also emotional “shit magnets” for abusive personalities. Thinking of her stories and her past relationships, she still describes her current husband and previous partner’s as abusive to gain sympathy and lure new partners.
Besides being the eternal victim, many BPDs like her will strive to be seen as heroes, defenders of the truth and the weak. This involves declaring that “bad” people- me in this case, deserve to be punished and then singling them out for months or years of accusations and abuse. Because rage and abusiveness proves they are good.
This is what is happening now. This is where we are at. Today.
Then starts the gaslighting….oh yes, the gaslighting. I’ve been down this road before too.
Then the good ol’ projection was as clear as day in this email. She was somehow playing the victim by constantly trying to provoke me into being angry. This not only fills the emotional needs of the BPD, it can nearly make it impossible for observers to determine which person is ill and abusive. See this diary.
Conflict in all her relationships. Years of grudges and score keeping….after reading several things this person has posted about other people or acquaintances she knows…publicly humiliating them too. I immediately saw a pattern.
Nothing is their fault, especially their own emotions. Other people are to blame for the BPD’s feelings, as if everyone else has the power to broadcast directly into the BPD brain. Blame others people for making them feel bad, then blame them others for not making the BPD feel better. Bringing my children into it was where I knew something was wrong with this person; and bringing me back to a place where I’ve been before, I wanted no part of her games. For once in my life, I took the high road. I could have easily spoke about her poor parenting choices, mistakes she’s made as a mother herself- but why bother? It was clear she demands that people join in her mental games. She created a bubble of chaos where ever she went.
Then I thought about her circle of influence and what those people were like, which was mainly her husband because she wasn’t allowed to have friends (according to her), but these kinds of people have a circle of neurotic friendships to provide the attention, validation, and sympathy that they need to survive.
All her Accusations – effortless lying, crying, incoherent but convincing, probably believes her own lies more than most people believe anything. She’s so concerned about me being a “good person” which she referred to in this email. Obsessed with the “Truth” and accusing other people of lying (more projection, right?).
Here’s the deal- I have nothing to prove to anyone. I’ve never really cared much about what people thought of me, anyways. I act the same way at my business, as I do at home, with my friends, with my family, etc. I’m an open book. I have problems. I have lots of things I am proud of and lots of burdens/sadness/guilt I carry with me every day…that’s why when someone judges me- they can never say or do anything that either hasn’t been said or done to me before—-and I guarantee I’m much harder on myself than anyone can ever be. So spare me, your opinion of me holds no merit. Which she also mentions in this email….but here’s the difference-
G-d is my strength and my song.” “In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”To live well is nothing other than to love G-d with all one’s heart, with all one’s soul and with all one’s efforts; from this it comes about that love is kept whole and uncorrupted (through temperance). No misfortune can disturb it (and this is fortitude). It obeys only [G-d] (and this is justice), and is careful in discerning things, so as not to be surprised by deceit or trickery (and this is prudence).
I am always authentic, I am always humble, and I don’t go around seeking problems. Like me or not, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, just G-d. If I react to something that bothers me, then yes, I’m not pleasant… but again, I never said I was perfect. I own it.
…And since this person is so self-righteous and knows no boundaries, I will disengage after this. I have no desire to exhaust energy on crazy people, because I’m clearly that important to someone who is obviously so incredibly miserable. It’s sad when people can’t own their life, are too busy worried about others. As for me, I have a life to live. An authentic, genuine, happy life to live- designing, creating, enjoying every minute of it!